When we think about stopping smoking, we have certain expectations: battling with cravings, fighting boredom, coping with stress. What we tend to overlook, until we’re in the thick of it, is that battle with ourselves : part of me wants to stop smoking, but part of me doesn’t!

It’s very common to feel caught between two voices. We want the better car, but we want to save money. We want pudding, but we want to eat healthier. We want to stop smoking, but we want to keep smoking too.

This experience is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower. It’s simply an artefact of the way the brain helps us learn and grow. When it works, which is most of the time, it’s incredibly effective — helping us build skills and handle complex tasks without having to think too much. But sometimes, the brain gets it wrong about what we really need.

Its All About How Habits Become Automatic

Think back to when you first learned to drive — or any life skill you’ve taken time to develop. At first, there was so much to think about: clutch, brake, accelerator, mirrors, indicators, other road users. It felt overwhelming.

Then, at some point, you drove a familiar route and realised you couldn’t remember any of it. You must have made every decision, checked every mirror, reacted to every hazard — but it was as if the whole thing ran on autopilot, while your conscious mind was thinking about how to word that awkward email or what you need to buy at Tesco.

There was a day between those two times where your subconscious brain decided “this is a useful behaviour, and I know enough to automate it”, and so it created a ‘part’ to run that behaviour. Ever since that day, probably for many years, that part has been showing up, every time you drive, making it automatic.

It’s such a well-practised pattern that even if you tried to drive in the wrong gear, your body would correct itself before you even noticed. It’s efficient, responsive, and almost invisible.

Smoking Is a Learned Skill Too!

Now consider smoking. Like driving, it’s something you had to learn. And though I don’t know your personal circumstances, I can say with confidence that when you first learned to smoke, it wasn’t effortless. There was coughing, dizziness, awkwardness. You had to figure out how to inhale, how to hold it, how to hide your discomfort and pretend it was second nature.

Despite all that, at some point you found yourself halfway through a cigarette without even remembering the action of lighting it.

There was a day between those two times where your subconscious brain decided “this is a useful behaviour, and I know enough to automate it”, and so it created a ‘part’ to run that behaviour. Ever since that day, probably for many years, that part has been showing up, every time you smoke, making it automatic. It doesn’t care whether you want to quit. Its job is to keep you smoking — and it’s very good at it.

Which Part Of Me Wants To Stop Smoking?

When people stop smoking without addressing this internal part, it can feel like suddenly sacking a loyal employee. That part of you has shown up day after day, year after year, reminding you to smoke in times of stress, boredom, celebration, frustration — and now it’s been dismissed without so much as a thank-you.

No wonder it gets upset. It sulks. It second-guesses your decision. It starts whispering doubts. And before you know it, you’re back where you started — not because you didn’t want to quit, but because that old part hadn’t been given a better role.

Now, of course, this is just a metaphor. But as metaphors go, it’s one I use often — and for good reason. In my work as a therapist specialising in smoking cessation, I’ve seen more sessions than I can count hinge on the moment a client really understands this idea. It gives shape and language to an internal experience that otherwise feels confusing and irrational. Once they see it for what it is, something changes. They stop fighting themselves, and start negotiating with themselves — and that’s where real change happens.

Yes, There Really Is a Part of You That Smokes

While the ‘employee’ metaphor is just a model, it reflects something real. There is a part of your mind that has kept the smoking habit alive, and it’s not doing it to sabotage you. It’s doing it because it thinks it’s helping.

The good news is that we can talk to it. We can reason with it. We can invite it to review the situation and recognise that the needs it’s been meeting — calm, comfort, confidence — can now be met in healthier ways.

In fact, I’m doing that right now. I’m talking to that part — and if you’re still reading, it’s listening.

And here’s what I want to say to it: thank you. Thank you for your dedication and persistence. But this job is coming to an end. And rather than being let go, we’d like to offer you a promotion — to be the part that helps us stay smoke-free. To take pride in this new role. To protect our health, not harm it. To bring the same loyalty and energy to being a happy non-smoker that you once brought to smoking.

A Better Relationship With Your Mind

The idea that we can talk to parts of ourselves might sound unusual at first, but it’s grounded in well-established therapeutic practice. And more importantly, it works.

If you’ve found yourself stuck between wanting to quit and not being able to follow through, this might be why. It’s not that you haven’t tried hard enough. It’s that you’ve been trying to move forward without addressing the part that’s still holding you back.

You can change that — whether through personal reflection, structured self-help, or with the support of a professional who understands how this process works.

Final Thoughts

If you’re in that place where part of you is ready to stop smoking, and part of you still isn’t — that doesn’t mean you’re not ready. It means your mind needs help getting all its parts facing the same direction.

I help people do that. I do it through conversation, guided techniques, and gentle redirection — not by fighting cravings, but by helping the craving itself lose its purpose.

You don’t have to be certain. You don’t have to be confident. You just need to be willing to explore the next step.

And if now feels like the right time to take that step, The Stop Smoking Man is here.
Until then — know this: the part of you that wants to quit is real. The part that wants to help you is real, too. And with the right approach, both of them can work together.